Surviving My Miscarriage

Many women face miscarriage at least once in their life, for me, that was December 12, 2013 at 5 weeks pregnant. Nate and I had been trying to get pregnant for quite some time and when we least expected it, December 7, we were finally preggers with a baby Hawkes! We were so excited and all I could think about was our baby. I went through the process of adding baby apps to my phone, studying what I could and couldn't do, what I could eat and couldn't eat, baby blankets to make, etc. Then, the morning of December 12, while I was at work, everything started. It was a whirlwind from there that landed me in the hospital for surgery.

No one can anticipate the emotional pain you face when having a miscarriage. I don't think I have ever felt so much disappointment, heartache, depression, and despair in all my life than I have the past 2 1/2 months. How do you face it when your deepest desire is within arms reach and taken away? I can't say that I have gotten over the miscarriage, or that I don't feel sad, or that I don't wish that every day I still had that precious baby still inside me. However, I'd like to share some ideas that have helped me in the healing process.

• Make a list of positive things that have happened through this experience. I know this is a hard one to do but I tried it and it helped me to find the good in this trial. Some things I wrote in my journal were: 
• Best case scenario for what the doctor suspected was going on (he thought I was having a tubal pregnancy and bleeding internally, thankfully, none of that was true). 
• I gained empathy for those going through a miscarriage. A week after I miscarried, my cousin discovered she was having a miscarriage. Because I had experienced a miscarriage, I was able to truly relate to what she was going through. 
• My Endometriosis was cleared up during the surgery (something I had been trying to get the doctor to do since the summer).
• Talk about it. Talk about your miscarriage with others. You will find that many people can relate and empathize with you. 
• Service. When you have a miscarriage you are exhausted emotionally as well as physically and the last thing you want to do is look for other people to serve. However, I have noticed I am happiest when I am serving those around me and finding ways to take my focus off myself. Trust me, this works. 
• Stay busy. I still find myself wanting to never get out of bed, not wanting to go out and do things. Thankfully I have my full time job to keep me pretty busy. I also have a wonderful hubby who will drag me out of the apartment whether or not I want to go. Also, try to be social and invite friends over for dinner, a movie night, or a game night. 
• Remember that is it okay to be sad. It really is. This isn't something you can completely get over. If people ask you how you're doing, it's okay to say that you aren't doing well. You don't always have to be tough. 

I know that different things work for different people. My hope is that one of these ideas will benefit someone, somewhere, who is struggling with a miscarriage. 

Much love,

Alex